sometimes I wish I could just disappear

This is my first post. I created an account a few minutes ago. I'm 17 years old and I am planning a diet to incorporate food, diet, weight gain or weight loss, obesity, and all the ideas I want. I am not anorexia, I am overweight, I can not eat anorexia. (It is not a negative meaning, but I actually do 'weak' weight) I hate it. I rarely do cleaning, so I am not overeating. Despite the fact that I feel sick, uneasy and sad every day, I do not know what I am, despite the fact that I do not know what I am doing. I say this because limiting myself is far from being healthy everyday, because I know to hurt my body every week. "Dietary disorders, aka, I am not thin, people will think that I think they do not believe me just to draw attention.To express everything that happens in my heart everyday, I do not think anyone understands it, it is very difficult.I just want to see the world around without disappearing even if I do not participate.

All these frustrating personal things are aside. I would like to write this article. I am convinced that there are others who share my daily fears. . I just want to find out what I can help and who knows me. I do not know how to make my day better, so I want to make someone better. So, if you feel unwell, get support and ask a question (I am really familiar - I did a lot of research, reading books, writing papers and eating disorders papers ),speak!

Sorry, I took everything you knew, and left only a few questions. Sorry, sometimes you will feel crying, sometimes you will feel crying, sometimes you just want to disappear. I hope that I can regain it all ... but I can not. I hope I can forget what I learned, but that is too late. Everything I did was impossible forever. I'm sorry. I will forgive you for not being justice. Since this is what you think about justice, you have tried and tried integrity. But somewhere, justice has become something that can not be accomplished, something that can not be accomplished, and that is all a matter of checking the right box. I forgive you that I can not check all ... I always thought there must be more things

Sometimes I hope that I am not like this. In this aspect of my life, I am the same as everything else, I feel cold and peaceful. I can date like ordinary people. In my weak point, I think that I can see it as something not a big deal. I can spend my good night's sleep with a girl without a kind emotional connection, or I am concerned that there is a future between us. Just have fun. But that is not mine. I made this choice long ago.

Unlike most relationships, we are far away. Sometimes it is difficult for us, but every day I know, I hope you are here. Every day, I think you can hold your hand. I think I can kiss you. I hope you can watch the movie together on rainy days. I hope that you can bake cookies, listen to the green day together, and then get to sleep. I am keen to spend time together. Sometimes, I still feel your embrace for me, I still can feel your hands, I still can smell your Cologne can. I can not wait for a while, we are not always that far. Even though I am far away, you are always in my head. I always hope that I can spend all of my time with you.