Parenting Tips: Praise Can Be Bad; Lying Is Normal

Author Po Bronson thinks today's children are getting too much praise - most of them are free. A few years ago, he wrote articles on this topic for the New York magazine. And, as many parents seem to believe, detailed that praise really does not lead to self-esteem and achievement

"Today's children have received a lot of praise, they have already interpreted their true meaning," he explained to Robert Siegel. "The only thing we do when our child fails is just to praise our children, but there are a lot of doubtfulness that children have" nothing better than this for me but what is smart for my parents " I am beginning to hear. It is important, and most of the failures are taboo topics. "

Bronson has expanded the theme of praise and other parenting issues within his new book, NurtureShock, and he co-authored the book with Ashley Merryman.

He said that he noticed for the first time that the coach of the kindergarten soccer team is exaggerating too much. "Before that, I often said to the children," You are wonderful, you are fine. " Wrong way to dribble "

But Bronson said he decided to change the way he talked to his kids once he read the praise studies. Bronson is not indiscriminately praising, but focuses on thinking children are sincere.

In addition to praise, Bronson and Merriman also solved the reasons the children lie and the problems of parents can do. Bronson said the lie is a normal part of development.

"Most kids lie when they are at least four years old," he explained. "We have to expect all children to lie, the question is" What we should do over time ". "

Bronson encourages parents not to threaten lying children with punishment. "Even if we increase the threat of punishment, children can only become better and more frequent fraudsters," he said.

Instead, he advises to suspend their children before doubting their parents may be lying, saying, "If you tell me the truth, you will make me really happy," say.

For teenagers, Bronson said that the best way to stop lying is to make consistent rules, but to open doors to specific negotiations.

"We have already advocated this idea," Not necessarily "... But when [child] is older, some facts quarreling with parents is actually a good thing - It's not a bad thing. "

"They have two choices: to tell the truth, to cause controversy, or to make a complete lie. To claim real rules is better than arguing your authority as a parent It's a choice. "

Child psychologists think that lies are a normal part of human development, although children can be worried about many parents being deceived. This is not to say that parents should ignore lies. According to a recent survey, here are some hints that parents can remember to urge their children to tell the truth. According to co-author NurtureShock: New thinks about children, Ashley Maryeman "encourages children to eventually become a better liar threatening the children of punishment in many cases." When he is in punishment The goal is changed. In general their new goal is to avoid punishment. In other words, threatening to punish children for lying will encourage him or her to lie more reliable, to part with

Lying down fast is a basic parenting skill. The trick to nurturing a good girl that will become a good parent someday is to teach them and teach them to tell a lie. It is easy to do when your child knows when to lie. I will send an obvious signal such as opening my mouth and giving out a sound. This is a powerful indicator of their lies. As you get older, it is a bit difficult to detect, so parents are finding jobs at the child's school and finding everything in space through a network of information providers consisting of friends and younger brothers You must adopt more sophisticated techniques such as.

Lying down has two effects, good and bad. Someone will never discover the truth, but I mean to meet it sooner or later, and you surely will be caught. You tell your parents where you are on Saturday night They will never know that truth is a good example of good impact. But, on the other hand, if you are trapped in a lie, you may face a possible foundation, spanking, extra housework and even more punishment. The more important thing for adults is that we lie to our spouses. Lying to our spouse may have serious long-term consequences for our lives and other people. If they are involved, it could lead to divorce, dissolution, misfortune and other partner and children's mistakes. So you will see a lie that brings benefit to you and can hurt you.