My Secret

My secret is the first true secret I started when I was 9 years old. When someone tells it to you and you leave it to yourself, I am not talking - I am happy as when you see something you know or something not known by someone else . My secret took place on a fish lake. The summer trip where my family moved to a small natural lake was hiding neatly at the Trinity Alps south of Hoopa Valley Indian Reservation and it looked like a little ritual.

My secret is to keep you confidential and know that you know it. I never infringe your trust because my secret will never be kept secret. When all what I have is secret, the breathing air becomes heavier and heavier, the taste of food becomes somewhat dim, and the flash of my eyes starts to disappear. I saw it, I lived, and the secret is my whole experience. I shared my secret with others. I broke your trust and beat your promise. My secret is outrageous. In retrospect, it starts with you. I did not mean to let you find your way, but it did not help. When the secret is as big as mine, it has its own way to escape from prison. There is a hint that there is a whisper here, and each secret is freely approaching more and more and is dying. That secret is the most seductive creature in existence. If the secret disappears, it will be something else. The secret is the truth

I shared my secret with 1,700 strangers and counted them. Several strangers have become my friends and they seem to like my secret. It is not a voyeuristic method, but they support them. They have a relationship. They also have secrets. They have a pain to share and some people share with me. I am very humbled and grateful. We wrote our own mistakes together.

Oh, but this is my secret, this is all these leading positions. This is my special point, my secret advantage over other poor people and I am fighting mankind. Look, I learned to forget. I experienced the real nature of memory and built walls in my heart against its vicious existence. Because memory tries to kill me, I firmly believe that memory is fatal. One day ago many years ago, my bag was too heavy. Distortion is too large to continue. I am overwhelmed by all the failures, the collapse of all promises, all bad relationships, all stupid decisions, all stupid decisions. It can not move. I stood at the intersection, pulled and pulled. I have to do something, but what?