Excuse Me! How Rationalizing Weakens Relationships

At my wedding seminar, my wife described a frustrating habit that was streamlined when my husband apologized. She called it. "I'm sorry, but he tends to admit he is wrong, but then shows the reasons for the action. He will say, "I am very nervous because my child screams," I'm sorry, "or" I'm sorry, but I really should not get mad at you. "

We will agree that it is difficult for all of us to cope with his sorry ass because it will not work if someone apologizes in some way for transferring responsibility. Once someone said once: "I am sorry that you have this feeling" or "I am sorry, should you get it?" It did not heal completely. Sincere Apology and Responsibility for mistakes to couple couples

One of my research has studied rationalization. I separated my couple, separated them so they did not react with each other, and proposed a short episode about the relationship between battle and fraud. I encourage everyone to think about how these stories apply to his or her (but not their partner) behavior. Most people can accept rationalization. A man shouted at his girlfriend, but in the end he narrowed it down. "I will do my best to make excuses," he said. "I say," Yes, because you talk like this, "he must praise and" cry out "to hype myself to show himself better" It is.

When she wants to discuss the matter, another man leaves his girlfriend. This made her angry, but his reason was not that he no longer "hit her." He said, "There is no other way to release my anger ... I will talk to some women or go to some bars." He stopped violence, he You can argue that other actions are one. Improvement

Since rationalization is very common, we often do not pay attention to it. We do not turn our eyes to streamlining because it is better to believe that our excuses are better than admitting us. There are many reasons for rationalization, it is easy. Maybe you did not follow the promise, so point out what you did: "I did not go out to eat, but I am working hard at the company." Perhaps you might get bad about your actions It may argue that it may not. My father is better, he has never changed or cooked a diaper. Several reasonable bad relationships are decided. "I know that I should not take him seriously, but now I am lonely so I may not go anywhere."

No matter how well an excuse looks, it usually exacerbates the problem rather than solving them. Think of ways to use rationalization in your own relationship. When is the most likely possibility? How will it affect the interaction between you and your partner? If you find an excuse and stop it, they will both benefit

Adaptation from: true to love me: to overcome the amazing way we deceive in human relations. Cedarburg Press, 2016

Refusal / Rationalization If you are defensive, or your behavior is an excuse, this may be a soft addiction. Denial is a refusal to admit and rationalization is an excuse or explanation we use to prove compulsive behavior. Both weaken our self-awareness and reduce expectations for ourselves. In order to allow our actions to be accepted, we ignore, hide or disguise the real motive or cost. We do not think customs are a problem, but I understand why this is an acceptable or necessary way to spend our time. "What's wrong with several cups of coffee?" Is a typical rationalization. We may deny that the time spent on the Internet is a waste of time and effort. Negation or rationalization of routine impulses shows soft addiction

Since rationalization is very common, we often do not pay attention to it. We do not turn our eyes to streamlining because it is better to believe that our excuses are better than admitting us. There are many reasons for rationalization, it is easy. Maybe you did not follow the promise, so instead pointed out what you did: "I did not get the dish, but I work hard in the office." My father is better, he has never changed or cooked a diaper. Several streamlined bad relationships have been decided. "I know that I should not take him seriously, but now I am lonely so I may not go anywhere."

No matter how well an excuse looks, it usually exacerbates the problem rather than solving them. Think of ways to use rationalization in your own relationship. When is the most likely possibility? How will it affect the interaction between you and your partner? If you find an excuse and stop it, they will both benefit