Carolyn Hax: A balanced response to a bossy sister-in-law

My husband's older sister is a full of energy. It is usually arranged for family gatherings. In our wedding plan, it is clear that she is accustomed to her way. I am usually a good communicator and I am good at picking battle, so I think I can handle her.

My husband and I bought a new house and proposed a holiday party so everyone can see our new place. Since then, his sister makes our life very difficult. She came to our house to propose a complete review of the room and gave me a menu - most of the items she is having are "You know the situation of our family There was no claim. "

She sends e - mails every day indicating various things. She also thinks she does not want to bring his girlfriend to one of his brothers.

She is running away. "We are very pleased to meet you as we are on this holiday, but before that we will do it ourselves." Obviously, her husband and my brother-in-law let go of her It was. It's easy because her way. In the rest of my life, I did not want to do this and I would not argue with each other about each side dish. How do you balance this?

At this point it seems necessary for both you and your husband to accept that it is not a real goal to stop her arbitrariness. Whatever Bossy says, realistic goal is to hold the party in the way you want.

You can achieve this by pushing back when pushed, but it gets exhausted and it sounds unnecessary.

Instead, you can refuse to contact her and stick to your course. For example, she suggested a review of the room (I like it - she is paying bills?), You say "well, fun" and arrange things as you wish To do. She suggested a side dish and said, "Thank you, but please do not bring food, we are cooking." Anyway, when she brought food, "Well, we cook I think that it is. " Cook the dishes and save the rest

When she announced that the new girlfriend was not popular, she said, "I understand what you're talking about," and invite a new girlfriend. E-mail, you can ignore - or selectively respond. If she said five things by e - mail, you can handle one by reply.

You have this two things for you, so you can do this: your home and your husband. You can invite people you want, offer a unified fight against Bossy's decision to offer and throw what you want. Of course she can respond by emitting a lot of noise, even trying to let her family oppose you, but if you are enthusiastic and resolute to calm down, she May have little effect. People who irritated my nose

Please sign up to Carolyn Hax, style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, DC 20071, or tellme@washpost.com Carolyn Hax and send it to the inbox of http://bit.ly/haxpost every morning.

Let's learn how to get people behind the scenes by getting the best five stories in your inbox every Saturday

As a young man in the state of Maryland I explained that I fell in love with Dan Savage when I read the Washington Post's Caroline Hacks and found the world of alternative media. . The Globe created several joint proposal columns - written by Amy's mailbox and dear Margo, Answers' wise smile, Mago Howard - but those writers have a nationwide fan base It is. They are big names. I am convinced that I am a suitable person to launch new functions. I do not have a psychology degree, but most recommendation columnists began their careers as writers and journalists. I am very interested in writing social trends - Facebook extensions, reduced texts, increased online dating - this kind of project seems to be relevant

The experience of Dr. Carolyn Spiro and her sister Pamela Spiro Wagner backed this up. She was surprised to hear the news when she was in Caroline's Boston psychiatrist - the same twin sister was recognized as schizophrenia. Thinking is extremely confusing, such as hearing sounds and delusions. The genes are the same, but the sisters have taken a completely different path. One becomes a psychiatrist and the other becomes a mentally ill. Such a case casts doubt: How much does genes (nature) and the environment (cultivation) play a role in psychosis? If the gene is the sole determinant, Caroline will suffer from illness like her twin sister Pamela because they are genetically identical, but she is not.